


Painkiller

by ghostiewriter101



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Luke Maybank is a shite person but that isn't new, also jj makes me wanna cry, also talks of abuse, kie comforting jj is my fav trope, kie is gonna protect him, kinda spiralled with this one but hey oh well, poor baby deserves happiness, slightly drunk jj, talk about anxiety and panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostiewriter101/pseuds/ghostiewriter101
Summary: When Kie gets a very unexpected call, she’s first on the scene to help out. However, she can’t help wonder what has gotten in to JJ’s head to get him acting like this. But at least drunk JJ isn’t as good at keeping secrets as sober JJ...and sometimes you just need someone to help fight those demons...
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 66





	Painkiller

**Author's Note:**

> I'm glad this is finally published and out of my head cause damn it has been stuck in my head for the past week! But enjoy and I am not sorry for the feels, you can all suffer with me :) Also this was inspired by the song "Painkiller" by Ruel so definitely check it out cause it gives me Jiara vibes!

**_❝_ ** **** **_The doctor says I'm diagnosed with  
Shit days, mistakes  
But I'll be fine_ **

**_'Cause you're my painkiller  
When my brain gets bitter  
You keep me close  
When I've been miserable _ ** **_❞_ **

_Painkillers--Ruel_

Kiara Carrera just wanted a glass of wine.

It was days like these where she regretted giving into her parents’ wishes. If she had travelled the world after high school like she wished to, then she would be exhausted from exploring the tropical mysteries of the Amazon or diving the depths of the Great Barrier Reef or soaking in the sun in Cape town. But no, she was still in Outer Banks, taking classes at a college on the mainland for marine biology, whilst somehow managing to score a job at the local marine animal welfare centre on the island. She loved it, deep down. She wanted to do something that made a difference, to change the world. However, she wasn’t enjoying busting her ass everyday between assignments, her job and helping her parents out at _The Wreck_ any time she could. But she needed the money to get the hell out of here as soon as she could, so she kept her mouth shut and did what she had to do.

Kiara thought that she _at least_ deserved a damn break.

The marine centre was setting up for some big exhibition next weekend—she remembered her boss talking about some big corporations and important business people—so most of the focus had been on that. Luckily, all her work had been done for the day and she wasn’t really needed around so her boss sent her away early.

 _“Take the day off, kiddo,” The chirpy old man huffed out, a true sweetheart who Kie had come to view_ as _quite a grandfatherly figure in her life. “Gotta live a little, spend some time with those friends you supposedly have.” He also thought she had no friends considering how busy she was, she didn’t blame him._

Kie had wasted no time in even attempting to argue that she could help out someone else, that the centre could use some extra hands. Because the truth of it was that Kie was exhausted, and the idea of curling up in her bed, with a glass of wine and her favourite show, cuddled into the side of her favourite blond sounded far too good to give up.

But her mum called, all flustered and stressed, needing all the assistance she could get. The restaurant always got busy around this time of year, just before spring break hit and the island was full of teens and college students who cared more about getting wasted than anything else. So, Kie who had a bit of an issue saying no to people when they were seconds away from tears, took up some extra shifts before she managed to head home.

In fact, spring break officially started today, she knew that because John B and JJ had been raving on about the epic kegger happening down at the _Boneyard_ that night to celebrate the festivities for the constant hangover they’ll endure over the two weeks. And with two weeks off college work, Kie wanted nothing more than to drink herself away. However, today just wasn’t that night, she didn’t feel like going out. She would probably fall asleep on a log somewhere, so instead of being a downer on the party, she decided to sit this one out.

Her night was going perfectly according to plan, which was a surprise to Kie. She took a nice, long and _very needed_ bath, cared herself to the leftovers from the Chinese takeaway her parents had ordered last night before grabbing one of the wine bottles from her parents’ wine cellar—not like they would miss it amongst the many they had—and heading up to her room. Unfortunately, her favourite blond cuddle buddy was too busy probably playing beer pong with JB or entertaining tourons with wild, over-exaggerated surf stories, so she had to settle for one of his sweatshirts he left from the other night and slipped it on before snuggling into her bed, glass of wine prepped on her bedside table as she scrolled through her options on Netflix.

But, because the universe seemed to love messing with Kie, things went a little astray from there.

She didn’t hear it at first, far too focused on her laptop screen and wondering whether she should re-watch _Teen Wolf_ or _The Vampire Diaries_ , to even hear the quiet buzzing coming from her phone. It wasn’t until five minutes later—this person clearly relentless on talking to her that they were willing to call her fifteen times—when she finally reached for her phone, seeing the picture of JJ wearing one of her bikini tops flash on her screen before she swiped to answer the call, grinning like an idiot.

“Damn, baby, the party really that boring that you have to call—”

_“Kie?!”_

She frowned at the sound of the panicked voice coming through, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “John B?”

_“Oh thank—right, fuck, how quick can you get to the Chateau?”_

She sat up quickly, already placing her laptop on the her bedside table, by the forgotten glass of wine. “Why? What’s happened? Why aren’t you calling me from your phone?” She questioned, her hands feeling sweaty and clammy. An uncomfortable tug in her gut told her this wasn’t going to be an easy night.

_“It died—but seriously, how quick can you get here?”_

“Uhh, like ten minutes if I leave now.” She said with a frown, wandering around her room to grab her keys and slip on her shoes. “JB, what’s happened? What is going on? You sound breathless.”

John B didn’t reply. Dread began to fill her stomach, her hand holding her phone in a tight grip as she rushed down the stairs, heading straight for the front door. She could text her parents later to tell them where she was. She was about to question John B again when she heard him finally speak up.

_“It’s JJ…it’s…uhh..it’s not good, Kie.”_

She tried to push away her worry as she quickly opened her car door, slipping into the driver’s seat with her phone now pressed between her shoulder and ear as she began making her out her driveway. “What happened to him? Is he drunk?” She had seen her fair share of _properly_ blackout drunk JJ, it wasn’t the prettiest sight, nor the funniest. He was like a toddler on cocaine when he was blackout drunk. And if he had been smoking tonight as well? God, she was in for a treat.

_“N-No, Kie, fuck…it’s bad, like really fucking bad. I’ve never seen him like this—”_

She didn’t need to hear anymore. Kie was there in five minutes.

Kie rushed into the _Chateau_ , barely even remembering to bother locking her car door (or even closing it) as she quickly glanced around, spotting three very distressed looking faces. Unlike her, Pope and Sarah were also able to make it to the kegger tonight, excited to start of the two weeks with a bang. But with the sight she was looking at now, she didn’t doubted this was a night they would forget, for all the wrong reasons, and the missing blond was the root of their worries. Her stomach dropped when she noticed JJ was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is he?” Her voice was breathy and panicked. “Where. Is. He.”

John B was the first to speak up, clearing his throat before he did but his voice was still rough, croaky. “He…he locked himself in his room about twenty minutes ago,” He said, looking over at Kie, his eyes were wide and desperate. “He wouldn’t let me in, he wouldn’t let anyone in and I don’t know what to do and—”

Sarah quickly wrapped her arms around him, gently cooing and calming John B down. He was distressed, they were all distressed. Whatever had happened, it clearly shocked them, impacted them in such a way that even John B couldn’t talk about it without _fucking_ crying.

Kie felt her heartrate speed up, the sound of her blood pumping was deafening, the scene in front of her just making her feel even worse, and she hadn’t even seen what state JJ was in yet.

“What the _fuck_ happened?” She snapped, she was on edge now. She just wanted to ram past them and see her boy, but she needed to know, needed to be prepared for what she would see on the other side of that door. She just wanted to see JJ and all this waiting and crying and secrecy was _killing_ her.

This time it was Sarah who spoke up, still holding John B close to her as she spoke. “We don’t…I don’t know. Everything was normal, we were just sitting around the fire with some tourons, talking and laughing and then…” She took a second to catch her breath. Sometimes Kie needed to remind herself that Sarah cared about JJ as much as the rest of them, that despite not knowing him for as long, the two had definitely gotten much closer a couple of summers ago when they learnt that the woman they called their mother was the same person. It was hard to think of a time now where JJ and Sarah didn’t act like siblings, it was almost like they grew up together.

“Then _what?_ ”

“He started breathing heavily and suddenly he was running and he wouldn’t stop and—” She looked at Kie, nibbling on her lower lip. “He was mumbling stuff to himself, the only thing we picked up was your name and then…he locked himself in there, and we called you.”

Kiara could’ve sworn she heard her heart shatter in her chest.

Her boy, her JJ…all alone…she promised him and she wasn’t there and now…oh god, she had to get to him. She had to get to him right now. She didn’t bother questioning the three of them any further, she joined the dots together. She knew exactly what happened, and now she just wanted to be with him, beside him.

She quickly pushed past them, none of them questioning Kie either. They saw that look on her face, the moment the lightbulb flashed in her head. And as long as she could help JJ, none of them really cared what her realisation was. They just wanted JJ to be okay.

“Let’s give them some space.” Pope muttered, nodding his head towards the door. Though none of them particularly wanted to return to the kegger, they also knew that it was best to leave _the Chateau_ for just Kie and JJ. It felt wrong if they stayed.

She didn’t bother waiting to see if they had left, her mind focused on far more important things. Instead, she made her way to the room at the back of the house, the room which JJ marked as his own from how many times he slept over. It was more of a home than Luke Maybank’s place ever would be to him. JJ spent most of his nights either sleeping here or sneaking into Kie’s house. They had a rota, it kept her parents happy, knowing where the two of them were, but as long as they were beside each other neither one particularly cared where they slept. Tonight was meant to be Kie’s place. But taking JJ all the way back to her place was the last thing on her mind at that moment, and her parents would just have to suck it up too.

Kie softly knocked on the door.

“G-Go away, JB!”

Kie closed her eyes, pressing her lips together in an attempt to hold back the whimper that wanted to escape. He sounded so…broken. She took a deep breath. “Jay, open up…it’s me.” She didn’t hear anything at first, and then some shuffling around, and then a small click. She took that as a ‘come in’ and quickly slipped into the room, closing and locking it again behind her.

The first thing she noticed was how dark the room was, it took her a few seconds to adapt to the sudden light change. She noticed the chilly breeze coming in through the open window on the other side of the room, the blinds shuffling against each other as they attempted to keep the lights outside from entering the dark room. She noticed the clothes thrown around the room, the sheets half off the bed. And then her gaze finally shifted to the blond boy in front of her, a small gasp leaving her lips.

JJ looked at her, with his wide eyes and pouty lips he looked like a kicked down puppy, it was a look she had unfortunately seen before and _hated_ every time she saw it. His hair was messy and dishevelled, like he had been tugging and running his hands through it—and she knew that was _exactly_ what he had been doing. Just like she knew his eyes were red and puffy from crying, those broken blue eyes looking completely defeated. She knew he was shirtless because he hated how scratchy and restricting his t-shirt felt, how trapped he felt until it was off him. She could see his fists clenched at his side, knowing that he was digging his nails into his palms in an attempt to ground himself into the present. His body was shaking, hyperventilating because she knew he was going to start crying again and he was trying to stop himself from doing so. She knew all of this because this wasn’t the first panic attack she had seen JJ have. But unlike the others, she wasn’t by his side like she promised. She wasn’t there to help, he went through it alone. And it crushed her heart.

“Oh, Jay…” She whispered before opening her arms, the blond wasting no time before stumbling into them. He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly, needing to feel her as close to him as possible. His nuzzled his face into her neck, taking in her scent, trying to calm himself down. “I got you. It’s okay, I got you.” And that was enough for him to open the waterworks.

Kie didn’t say anything beyond the few comforting words “I got you” and “it’s okay, let it out” as she let him cry in her arms, one hand gently rubbing his back whilst the other gripped his hair, tenderly scratching his scalp—she knew he loved that, she knew that it helped him relax. She knew so many things about JJ and yet, in that moment, she could do nothing but just hold him. She couldn’t do anything but be there for him, because despite knowing JJ better than she knew herself, she also knew that these panic attacks weren’t new and they weren’t for her to fix. She would help, assist in any way she could, holding his hand every step of the way. But they both knew that in the end, this was something JJ had to overcome himself, he just needed to know that she was there whenever he needed a shoulder to lean on.

They didn’t move from that position for a while, not that either of them really wanted to. The distant sound of the on-going, raging kegger and JJ’s heavy breathing were the only things she could hear. Her eyes were closed, her grip protective on JJ, as if someone would come and rip him out of her arms. She squeezed him a little tighter at the thought.

“You wanna talk about it?” She whispered, feeling JJ shiver a little under her touch, the feeling of her breath on his bare skin catching him a little off-guard.

“Yeah…” He whispered back, nodding his head a little but he didn’t say anything for a while after that, needing some time to just collect his thoughts. If she had noticed the pungent smell of beer on him, she made no move to say so. She just continued to trace shapes on his back, lightly drawing small hearts with her fingers. Only then did he pull back to look at her, that crease in between his eyebrows was prominent and she wanted nothing more than to wipe it away. “I just…l don’t know anymore.”

She frowned a little. “Don’t know what?”

“Why I’m even alive,” He muttered, letting out a breath. “It just…everyone seems to know what they are doing, what they want to be, what they want to achieve. And I am just sitting here…just…” He trailed off, struggling to grasp onto the words he sought.

“JJ, we are nineteen. We have plenty of time to decide.” She spoke softly, the hand that was at his nape now curling around to gently brush her thumb against his cheek. Her lips twitched a little when she saw him lean into the touch.

“It’s not that, Kie,” He huffed slightly. “I have spent my whole life just trying to _survive_ …and now…I don’t think I know how to live…or move forward or—” He stopped, his chest beginning to move up and down quicker. Kie quickly grabbed his face with both hands, cooing softly, her eyes catching his.

“Just copy my breathing, Jay,” She whispered to him. “Just like that, do it with me.” She took deep breaths, her eyes never leaving JJ’s as he did so too.

She observed him closely, she could feel his grip tightening on her waist but made no move to stop him. She stayed quiet until she knew for sure he had calmed down a bit. She watched as his hands came to tug the roots of his hair, sliding back until the rested on the nape of his neck. His gaze had shifted upwards to stare at the ceiling, but she could still see the tears welling in his eyes. “It just _fucking_ sucks, Kie.” He whispered.

She didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting an answer. They both knew he needed to get this off his chest, needed to let out all his bottled emotions.

“It was all supposed to be easier after I left,” He began to speak again, she chose not to point out how his gaze willingly chose to avoid her eyes. He couldn’t afford the distraction, he needed to say this. “Everyone said it would be easier, everyone said that I would be okay when I got out…BUT THEY FUCKING LIED, KIE! THEY FUCKING LIED!” His words were slurring together, his arms moving wildly as he spoke did nothing for his balance, the blond stumbling a bit as he took a few steps away from her.

“There are nights I can’t close my eyes without seeing his face! There are nights where I can still _feel_ his hands around my throat, can hear his words screaming in my head!” He was holding back his tears, she could hear the small choke on his words, hear him desperately try and hold reign over his emotions. “It’s supposed to easier? How the fuck is this easier?! He is _still_ ruining my life, he will always ruin my life. Because I can’t escape him…I…I will never be able to escape him.”

 _Luke Maybank_ , the only person in this world that Kie would gladly do a lifetime in prison for if it meant that scum was out of this world.

“JJ,” She whispered, trying to get his attention. “Dr Sullivan said it was normal to feel like that, there will be a day where you won’t—”

“No, Kie, no.” He stated bluntly. “That fucking shrink knows nothing, alright? Some fancy degrees and she thinks she understands? She thinks some magical medication and therapy will just make forget the fact that my _own fucking father_ used me as his personal punching bag? That my mother had the chance to take me but she just up and bailed on me? Left me with a man who she knew was evil? Or hey, how about the fact that no matter what I do, I will always be JJ _fucking_ Maybank?”

Kie stared at him, eyes wide and glossy. For the first time in her life, he had rendered her _utterly_ speechless.

“Everyone gets a second chance in this fucking world. Everyone in this fucking island, but me? Nah, I will always be JJ…Luke’s delinquent son, the troublemaker, the one that will end up like his old man…the one that is nothing but a _nuisance_ to everyone, right?” He laughed dryly, his chest heaving quickly. “All that written in the stars shit, right? I’m gonna spend the rest of my days in this crappy town while Pope goes out and wins that Nobel prize thing, and Sarah and John B get the fuck out of here to start their lives somewhere new, and you—” His voice cracked, his control was slipping. “You’re bound to leave me at some point too, Kie…everyone does.”

Kie wasn’t even sure who started crying first, but neither one held back now.

“I…I can’t keep doing this,” His voice was now hoarse and quiet, his eyes directed at the open windows where the noises of the party came flowing through. “I can’t keep waking up every day, clinging onto every minute I spend with you guys before everyone starts to leave. I don’t know how much I longer I can keep smiling through it because to be honest, I…I am not okay…” He trailed off, almost as though admitting those words made him realise just how much he meant them, like they sobered him up.

He finally looked at her, those bright blue eyes now glossy with tears. “I am not okay, Kie…I don’t think I ever was…I don’t know if I ever will be…”

It felt like a slap in the face, hearing the love of her life say those words, and knowing that there is nothing she could do to stop that feeling. To destroy it and crush it and protect him from everything bad in the world, because the truth is that JJ lived with the darkest evil in this world, and there is always going to be a part of him that wasn’t okay. Kie’s job was to remind him that he escaped the worst, that his life can only go up. Her job was to cling onto hope, for the both of them.

She wasted no time in crossing that small distance between them, her arms wrapping around JJ for the second time that night. There was that voice in the back of his head, the one that told him this was only temporary, that he will never deserve this, and a part of him believes that. A part of him wants to push Kie away and tell her that, how she is so much better without him dragging her down, holding her back.

And as if she could read his thoughts, Kie hugged him tighter, her wet cheeks pressed against his chest. Usually she would find the sound of his heartbeat quite therapeutic, but now it sounded wild and erratic like JJ himself was about to combust, explode from how much he was keeping to himself, locked up and weighing him down. “Don’t you ever think I would leave you, Jay,” She whispered to him, sniffling a little before she lifted her head to look at him. “You hear me? It’s me and you, no matter what. It’s us, JJ.”

“I don’t want to be like him, Kiara.” He whispered, his voice low and absolutely _terrified_.

“You are _nothing_ like him.” She said, her tone dead serious.

“I want to believe you but,” He looked down at her, nibbling on his lower lip slightly. Out of instinct, her hand reached up to gently pull it from between his teeth, her thumb gently tracing his lip before it dropped to his shoulder. “He’s a part of me, Kie, he will always be a part of me. And what happens if I end up being like him, huh? What if I’m just cursed to go down the same ol’ route as my dad?”

Her gaze softened slightly, the raw emotion in his voice, the pure fear in his words. It broke her heart. “You could _never_ be like him.”

“But what if I do?” He whispered, his shaking hands coming to cup her face, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I…I don’t want to hurt anyone…I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice barely audible. “Not like that, not the way he did.”

It shocked her a little just how blunt he was being with his emotions, how open he was being right now. She had to remind herself that he was drunk, that sober JJ had all these thoughts and fears but only drunk JJ could actually get the words out. This is what goes through his head those restless nights he can’t sleep. This is what tortured his thoughts whenever he had a particularly rough day. This was at the root of his anxiety, of his attachment issues, of everything that JJ hated about himself. Because what is worse that becoming the thing you feared for your whole life?

“You would never hurt me, Jay,” She whispered, moving her hands so they were placed over his. “You are a far better man than he could’ve ever been, and you are so much more than those labels. Because you are _so_ fucking deserving of every good thing that happens to you, you hear me?”

He didn’t say anything for a while—the silence becoming a common theme between the two of them, that time to process the thoughts that swirled in their heads like a storm. He just looked at her, with those damn blue eyes she loved so much, and she couldn’t help but notice just how young and innocent and _vulnerable_ he looked. This was the JJ people didn’t see, the one they didn’t realise existed. Behind the menace was a broken boy who desired that reassurance, who _needed_ that validation that he was not becoming like his father. It was a side of JJ he only shared with Kie, the only one he trusted seeing him like this. Because Kie understood, she knew he didn’t need a half-assed _‘no, you’re nothing like him, chill out!’_ or some unwanted sympathy. Kie knew he just needed to know someone was there for him, someone saw the real him and they _liked_ that version as much as the version the rest of the world saw. And the truth was Kie loved every single part of JJ—the good and the bad and the ugly—she loved him so much it hurt. And she would never get tired of telling him that.

“Can you stay?” He whispered, she could practically see the gears turning in his head over what she said, but she didn’t say anything about it. She simply nodded as she took a few steps back towards the bed.

She didn’t waste any time as she laid on the bed, opening her arms for JJ to crawl on top. He was a sucker for being the little spoon, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He was quick to take his place, head on her chest with his arms around her middle, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the feeling of Kie running her hands through his hair. She heard him hum a little and smiled softly, giggling a little. He looked up at her with a curious gaze, eyebrows raised in questioning.

“You’re purring like a cat.” She murmured, her lips pressed together to stop her giggling when she watched his face scrunch up in disgust.

“Excuse you,” He scoffed. “I’m not a cat. I’m like one of those dogs that look like wolves!” He said with a small pout. “Or something badass like a dragon. I am not a _fucking_ cat.” He deadpanned.

Kie looked at him with one eyebrow raised in questioning. Her hand that was coiled in his hair froze, the blond snapping his head up to look at her in confusion. She tried to bite back her grin as she watched JJ pout, nuzzling his head against her wrist in an attempt for her to take a hint and start up again. “Hmm, really?” She murmured, her nails gently scratching his head whilst JJ hummed happily at the action. “I don’t think dragons purr.”

“Wolves do.”

“Since when have you ever seen a wolf, let alone a purring wolf?”

“Saw it on a cartoon once.” He muttered with a small, awkward shrug of his shoulders. In reality, he was too busy enjoying the affectionate head massage he was receiving to actually focus on what Kie was saying. Whatever she said, she was most likely right, but JJ had to stick to his roots, wind her up a bit, challenge her. It was just how the two of them did things, why they got on so well. They knew each other like the back of their hands. They grew up together, for Wheezus’ sake! But JJ and Kiara were also just as unpredictable as each other, keeping the other on their toes. Nothing was ever dull or boring or repetitive in their relationship. Guess that’s what happens when you date your best friend.

Their conversation didn’t divulge much further after that. Just simple words passed between them, Kie teasing him on how his hangover will be in the morning, JJ tickling her sides lightly in retaliation. It was sweet and light-hearted and just what JJ needed. Just what he _wanted_. He never took these moments with Kiara for granted. Nor, did she ever want them to stop. It was these types of conversations that would lead into deeper ones, allow her to see a different side of JJ and give her more reasons to love him. It was these conversations—the ones they had even when they were in those awkward stages of ‘are we friends or are we just silently pining over each other like idiots?’—that first led to JJ opening up to her about his fears, his anxiety and eventually the panic attacks and the nightmares. They would never judge each other, no matter what. And these conversations? They meant far more to the couple than gifts or dates or even those three words could ever mean.

These conversations made their relationship, keeps them going through it all. Because every single one of these conversations are _so_ worth it, even if they are terrifying at first.

“We are gonna get out of here one day, Jay.” Kie broke the silence with her whispered words.

She felt JJ freeze, his body now tense and rigid. She waited, let him take control of the situation, let him just process his thoughts. She could almost hear the gears turning in his head. Sometimes, she wanted nothing more than to just _see_ what he was thinking, read his thoughts. It frustrated Kie that she couldn’t read his mind, that she couldn’t help him fight those internal battles, the ones that he only burdened himself with. Sometimes, she wished he just shared the burden with her. She knew he would never do that, but she just wished he knew that it was _okay_ to lean on someone, no matter what. Kie knew she was close to JJ—both physically and emotionally—but there was more beyond those revealed fears and distress. Kie just _wished_ she could scare those away, tell them to fuck off and leave her boy alone. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve half the shit he was put through. And it amazes her every time just how strong he is, how far he has come. However, she also knows there is still so much—internally—that he has to face alone. But she will be there. She will always be there for him.

“Yeah, for sure, Kie.” He replied, his body relaxing a little bit. He wasn’t looking at her, but the fake enthusiasm and tense back muscles told her enough. He didn’t believe her, or he didn’t believe the statement in general or maybe he didn’t want to get his hopes up high just for the universe to fuck him over again. She didn’t know which one it was, but either way it broke her heart a little just how little hope JJ had that they would leave Outer Banks. “Can’t stay in bed forever.” He added jokingly, but it was too dry to be a JJ joke.

“JJ—” She started but he was quick to intervene.

“Chill, Kie, you’re ruining the mood.” He muttered, gently squeezing her sides. But she knew better, she knew that he wasn’t joking. If JJ was winding her up, he would look up at her with that shit-eating grin and wiggle his eyebrows at her until she teased him right back. He would have a smug look on his face when she rolls her eyes at him, cheeks puffed out in annoyance when he would try and kiss her as an apology as if he won’t do it again five minutes later. But this JJ was tense and on edge, hesitant to even look at her.

“Hey, look at me,” She muttered, lightly tugging on his hair to prompt him to lift his head up. His chin now resting on her chest as he looked up at her with those alluring blue eyes of his, damn she was a sucker for those eyes. “I’m serious, Jay.” She watched him open his mouth, ready to either argue with one of his pessimistic comments or make a joke in hopes of changing the topic. But she beat him to it.

“One day, we are gonna get out of this shithole, Jay. Me and you.” The hand in his hair slowly travelling down to cup his cheek instead. “We will save some money and get the fuck out of here. Travel the world, see new things beyond this shitty island, get high in as many places as we can.” She said, smiling a little when she felt him laugh in response to that. “Maybe even break a few records, how many couples can say they’ve fucked at all seven wonders of the world?” She added, shooting him a wink.

“But I mean it, we will get far away from here, get our own place, a full on kook mansion,” She laughed a little. “…somewhere nice, on a beach. Could you imagine that? Waking up to the sunrise every morning, just stepping out and being able to surf in our backyard?” She whispered, gently nibbling on her lower lip before she uttered the next few words. “Me and you, Jay. It always gonna be me and you.”

JJ looked at her, his expression a mix of awe and disbelief. They spoke about their future before, but it was always things in the _near future._ Like what they were going to eat that night, if they wanted to get tickets for that concert on the mainland, what they were going to wear for whatever weird, kook dinner Kiara’s parents had dragged her and JJ into. But this was different, this was Kie talking about their actual future. The one in years to come, the one that he always viewed as unpredictable and undecided, the one that she had planned like it was obvious. But the thing that took JJ by surprise the most was her constant use of “we”. Now, JJ wasn’t a relationship type of guy. Before Kie, he had never really had a girlfriend—a few flings and hook-ups, here and there, but never a girlfriend. But Kie was different, she was always different. And JJ was scared he would fuck it up, even after them being together for over a year now, he was still scared. What if he said something that made her realise her mistake? What if she fell out of love with him as easily as she fell in love? What if there was someone better that came along and swooped her off her feet? He hated that his insecurities got to him like that but he couldn’t help it.

But now, hearing Kie talk about _their_ future with _their_ house and _their_ plans. He couldn’t help but bury deep down into his heart and bask in the fact that she wasn’t going anywhere soon, that she wanted to be with him, that she could see a future with him. Because of course JJ has thought about their future together. One beyond Kie getting the degree she wants, beyond the travelling and exploring. When he was in a particularly dark place, he let himself imagine a world where he would come home from work and see Kie already there. A world where they lived in a nice house, maybe they even had a few mini JJ’s and Kie’s running around and a family dog. It was world where he had everything he possibly couldn’t have, couldn’t get his hopes up for. Because if JJ got his hopes up, the universe would come around and say “fuck you” before finding _another_ way to make his life a little bit shittier. So, he kept this world to himself, only ever to himself.

However, now is heart yearned to tell Kie, to let someone know that he does have a future he aspires to achieve. That he has goals and wishes and dreams. And for the first time in his life, JJ didn’t feel scared to say those dreams out loud, because it was Kie and he had no doubt that she wouldn’t judge him, had no doubt that she would flip the universe off if it even tried to get in the way of his happiness because that is just how his Kiara was. He wanted to share that little world in his head, and he was glad to know now that she shared a similar one in hers.

“Really?” He whispered, almost as though he was scared that she would wither away in front of him and this was some crazy, sick, hyper-realistic hallucination he was having.

“Yeah, really.” She said with that goddamn smile that gave him butterflies every time he saw it.

“Me and you, our own place…” He trailed off, his expression nothing short of adoration as he looked at her. “With one of those fancy Japanese toilets kooks have?”

“Whatever you want, baby.” She snickered, watching as he rolled his eyes but grinned anyways. “Me and you, Jay. Always gonna be me and you, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And JJ?”

He looked at her, eyebrows furrowed slightly in questioning.

“You are _definitely_ a cat.”

He looked at her with an exasperated sigh before shaking his head. She barely had time to react when she saw him grin mischievously before ticking her sides, causing her to wiggle and struggle in his grasp. Relentless giggles and laughs left her lips, her eyes beginning to water as she yelled at him to stop and by the time he did, one of his hands had trapped hers above her head, the other keeping himself from squishing her with his body. He looked down at her with a smug look on his face.

“You wanna take that back?” He asked, his voice lower than before. Kie felt her cheeks burn slightly.

“Nah, I’m good.” She grinned up at him, her chest heaving up and down as she tried to catch her breath.

He looked down at her in contemplation for a few seconds before he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Kie hummed lightly, her eyes fluttering close as she happily returned the kiss. She could’ve sworn on Wheezus Christ that she never got tired of kissing JJ, it was addictive and passionate and always made her heart beat ten times faster. 

He pulled away slightly, his lips ghosting hers as his smile only grew wider at her flushed state. He was always so damn smug about the effect he had on her, as if his own heart wasn’t going a million miles a second and his face blushed pink.

“I love you.” He whispered against her lips.

“And I love you.” She replied, smiling up at him.

“And I can’t wait to travel the world with you, future Mrs JJ Maybank.”

“Neither can I, future Mr Kiara Carrera.”

“Hmm, yeah no I like the sound of that much better.”


End file.
